Health Benefits Of Farting
Studies have shown that farting is like a human pressure release valve system for relieving high blood pressure, so don’t be concerned with the silly notion of excusing yourself if given a fart urge, while at the dinner table any longer.
I recommend relaxing and allowing the warm air to flow out of you in a calm peaceful manner with a nonchalant demeanor if around others.
The relief of hypertension is caused by the ejection of hydrogen sulfide gas that resides in each fart.
Releasing hydrogen sulfide gas causes the blood vessels to become relaxed, resulting in causing lower blood pressure.
Best Places To Engage in Farting
Around Haters (Those Bastards)
Lets face it, they had to get it sooner or later. This assault tactic is best used in closed-in spaces like, the office.
We all have co-workers that go out of their way to show their utter disdain for us. We should return the love in kind, and launch at-will.
I have found that pre-fart inhaling (hold breath, breathe out slowly upon release) relieves exit pressure thus moderating a bomb fart into a silent killer poot.
Use it frequently and wisely and on the right targets ! Besides, its healthy for you.
Chairs With Cushion
I have found that farting in chairs with a minimum of one and a half inch of cushion can create a time delayed release of the aroma. Use it wisely.
Ignore The Movement Against Malicious Farters
I do not recommend farting around people you do not like. It is not nice so keep your feelings to yourself. Reserve your farts for the ones who don’t like you. They are the enemy. That’s who gets it.
Romantic Farting, The True Love Index
Lets face it, there is nothing romantic about farting, or is there?
Damn right it is. Ever notice how when you first meet someone you try to hold in that fart or altogether remove the very idea that you are even capable of farting in the first place?
Why as a people do we engage in such numbskullian practices?
Do we think that special person in our lives doesn’t fart?
Do we think it will scare them off or, make them think lowly of us?
On The Flip Side
Or is it that they don’t become special until you can fart freely, and at will, with no fear of a loss of moral standing?
Lets look at it this way, you can fart around your parents and your loved ones. This tells me that we are not willing to die for someone we don’t feel comfortable farting around.
Interesting. So if you don’t feel comfortable walking by special someone in your life, and farting by their head while they have their mouth open, chances are you won’t risk your life for this person.
Interesting indeed. I bet the government did not come up with that one in their study.
- Women fart as much as men. End of story.
- Termites are the undisputed champion of farting.
- The medical term for farting is flatulence.
- Farts exit with a temperature of 98.6 degrees moving at a rate of 7MPH.
- Generally, people produce on average about 2 cups of farts per day.
- Farts are flammable and they can be lit. The Flame is usually blue or yellow
59% – Nitrogen
21% – Hydrogen
9% – Carbon Dioxide
7% – Methane
4% – Oxygen
Less Than 1% – The Aroma and Flavor Saving Components
Known Fart Starters
(Foods that are known to cause violent episodes of farting.)
- Dark Beer
- Dairy Products
- Bell Peppers
Face Farts and Butt Burps?
Farting and burping are unrelated contrary to popular belief. The chemical make up is different in both pass times as if the route at which they travel when generated. The chemical makeup of farts and burps are as different as the route they travel through the human body to join us in the enjoyment of clean air.
Burping and Farting are not gaseously related..
What we normally refer to as a burp is stomach generated and is composed of different chemicals than its fart neighbor in the southern region.
Bacterial and atmospheric gases are found in far more abundance in farts resulting in a powerful mixture, thus you may not be able to ignite your burp, but your fart, is highly flammable.
Flaming Fart Disclaimer
Although this article is not meant to diagnose or treat any illness, I’d rather eat all those foods listed above and execute a natural onslaught of ruthless farting rather taking a bunch of drugs provided via courtesy at a cost by big pharma.
You need to be aware that people often get hurt trying to light farts. Clothing and other surroundings may be in danger of catching fire if things get out of hand. Don’t do it. Keep farting safe.