10 Reasons Why Eating People Is a Bad Idea
Over the past few days I have been caught off guard by the sheer number of news stories involving people mutilating themselves and others.
You know what I am talking about,
Man Eats Man’s Face
Umm, excuse me gentlemen, mind your manners! Behold my 10 reasons why you should not consider eating people or throwing your body parts at law enforcement.
- Eating other people is unsanitary, there is no guarantee the victims took baths (bath salts do not suggest bathing) of the days on these events. They may not have been fit for fine dining.
- Eating a man’s face is not classy and is highly unbecoming of being a productive member of society. Not to mention its rude.
- Knives, and unclean blades can cause infection. Keep this in mind if you decide to cut yourself open and throw your intestines at police. You may give yourself an infection.
- Did you brush you teeth today and use a strong anti-germ mouthwash? If not, you should think twice about tearing into another mans flesh, you could inadvertently get a person sick with a disease or some other ailment. We don’t want to endanger public health do we? I thought not. The mouth is a nasty place and comes in contact with the open air all the time. Be careful idiots!
- Also, the person you are eating may have a disease.
- Cannibalism as a new mainstream culture will do insurmountable damage to dinner parties and will hurt the idea of community as a whole. Its just bad civics.
- People are going to think we are living in some sort of a zombie apocalypse and this could cause public unrest which will result in longer commute times.
- Ever hear of government assistance? The government does offer food stamps. So you see this whole, eating body parts thing may be a tad bit over rated to a certain degree.
- Employment – Most days employers will search for your name in search engines and if they find out you have a habit of eating other people it could hurt your career opportunities.
- You could get yourself killed. If you try to eat me I will probably try to dissect you. Not that I get into eating people but you might have to be made an example of. I will simply not stand for people attempting to have me for lunch. I’d get medieval on your ass.
In light of recent events I could only hope my kind words of advice don’t fall on death ears. this is good advice and should be saved n case of an emergency.